Stop and Listen.
There are times I have nothing to say, but still much is left to be told.
At times I have much to express, but no way to capture it as truthfully as I experience it.
Perhaps this is a failure on my part as a writer, performer, and young lazy teenager. Or perhaps it’s that I just need more practice.
It’s a very claustrophobic feeling, not being able to say what you want to tell. Or perhaps I should say Not knowing a way.
I find myself wanting to hide myself away during these sort of situations.
I try to express my thoughts, but all I feel is an even more muddled feeling. I want to hold someone close to me and hide in their warm hug. I want to hear them speak and express; to hear them weave their stories from thoughts, letters, and words. To hear them tell a lifetime through seconds, minutes, hours, and days. I want to listen instead of speak, so that I may forget that I live in a world which I very often I cannot sufficiently express my thoughts.
In these times perhaps it is best I do not write.
Maybe the world wants me to stop and listen, and not worry about what I think.
Each stroke and brush of the keys were colors strewn across a canvas.
Each speckled tone like a star in the night sky.
The notes reverberated off the old boards of the piano, stirring my soul.
I clung tightly to this feeling as the notes brought harmonious counter to the roaring dissonance within me.
The pages before me rippled like fabric in the harsh gusts of wind.
I felt rhythmic and steady amidst this storm around me.
For in my heart, I feel this song.
Amidst all our tears, and all our laughery, one thing is always true.
You make my heart happy.
I don’t like feeling this way. I get trapped in this mind whose thoughts I don’t understand. I don’t like what I’m thinking. Why am I broken? I’m scared of who I am. I’m scared of what I think. I don’t like it. I don’t want to be like this.
If this feeling can go away tomorrow, then does it even matter at all?
July 9 2014
With soft hands I will wipe away your tears.
For you, for me, for us, for everything.
Together we are stronger.
Do not hide the tears, but know they will not last on your cheeks very long.
July 9 2014
I wish I could take away this thing you hate, for I hate what it is doing to you.
With a sleepy smile, she whispered softly in my ear.
I heard her voice, sweet and light on my ear.
I felt my finger tips trail a lazy path gently down her side.
Her laughter was beautiful, like rustling leaves and whispering grass.
Her smile calmed the roaring doubts in my mind.
I see her now, whenever I close my eyes.
Oh how I rush to her each night.
July 6 2014
There is an emptiness here that even you cannot fill my love.
I sit here softly, and in silence I weep.
For there is an emptiness here that even you cannot fill my love, and I am either too scared, or too weak to open another door.
July 5 2014
It’s always you I’m running to,
for you are my home